Doubt anyone’s still here, but…
It’s funny. I finally get the urge to blog again, and then life gets too hectic for me to write. I guess that’s how things go. Good times.
So what’s new…well, work’s been really busy…coming home at midnight most days. I teach Caleb Baek and Zach Preslar piano now, so that’s exciting.
Oh, and my dog died.
RIP little buddy
…
I call Dodger “my” dog, but that’s for succinctness’ sake. Out of everyone in my family, I am the person least qualified to call Dodger “my dog”. My sister was the one who wanted a dog; my dad took care of him…Me? I petted him every now and then for a few minutes whenever the fancy struck me.
It’s strange…I mean, I know I didn’t have much of a relationship with Dodger…I mean, I lived with him for maybe a third of his life, if that? And it’s not like I should have been surprised by his passing. Each time I came back he’d have some new malady to show off to me. Sure, he’d try to hide it by doing the same tricks he’d always done, but each time, he’d be a little slower, a little lamer, a little older. And there was no hiding what was going on with his eyes.
So, I should have been ready for this. And even if I was blindsided…I mean, it shouldn’t hurt all that much, right?
But it’s been a couple of days since my dad told me now, and there’s still this little pain in my stomach that just won’t go away. And I’m wondering why.
It’s definitely not because we shared crazy memories. I don’t have the pictures that I see other people post on Facebook.
The one enduring memory I have of Dodger really just goes to show how little I invested in Dodger. After a couple of years of college, James Kang was visiting in San Ramon. I can’t remember why, but we decided to take Dodger for a walk. I hadn’t seen Dodger for a while, so I didn’t realize how much Dodger had changed in the last few years. Dodger was fat. He didn’t walk around the house as much as he waddled.
Anyway, we took him out to the nearby doggy park where he could play with all the other doggies. As you know, dogs have a habit of sniffing each others’ butts. Some people say it’s the way they say hello, but I’m pretty sure it’s more like a game for them. Each dog tries to sniff the other dogs’ butts without getting their own butt sniffed. Yeah…I don’t get it either.
So there’s every other dog, dancing around, trying to sniff butts without getting sniffed, and then there’s Dodger. The way I see it, Dodger was the only dog smart enough to realize that there are no real winners in this game. So he was just chilling in place, maybe waddling side to side a little bit to try to stop other dogs from getting too fresh.
After the dogs had finished their greetings, a few of the owners started throwing balls across the park for the dogs to fetch. It was pretty cool to watch. A veritable stampede would form every time an owner threw a ball. Big dogs, small dogs, it didn’t matter. Well, except Dodger. Dodger would half-heartedly trot toward the ball, figure it was too much effort, then waddle back to get petted.
The point is, Dodger was kinda fat. And that’s cuz we didn’t go out together nearly enough for walks.
But you know, I think I miss being able to just pet Dodger for a while. Whenever I was feeling emo, I could always count on Dodger to be there and just sit with me. I’d never actually say anything aloud to him, but I felt like he understood.
More than anything…I think I’m just realizing that he’s gone. And he’s never coming back. And it’s not like I’ve actively looked for him in the last nine years, but now that he’s gone, I wish I could see him again. Figures right? There’s a lot of regret too…I wish I had a lot of pictures of him to post of us playing together, but I don’t.
This seems to be devolving into emo-territory, so I think I’ll stop here. Till next time.
-Tim