Category: Journal


One day at the DMV

Filed Under: God, Journal, QTs, Rants by timpaik — Leave a comment
January 12, 2011

Psalm 4, Proverbs 4, Joshua 4, Isaiah 4, Job 4

…

So…I stink at writing down what I’ve read for the day.  I probably wouldn’t have noticed either, but I did my reading at the DMV today.  Like I said before, I’m following a watered-down version of Professor Horner’s plan for reading the Bible.  The plan is written down on a note on my computer.  So today, when I was without my computer at the DMV, I figured I’d just access my blog through my iPhone.  And then I realized I’m an idiot who fails at Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V.  Oh well.

I was at the DMV because I had to renew my driver’s license.  It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be: I made an appointment, so I only really had to wait for about 30 minutes, which I spent reading.  I can’t imagine how it was for anybody who didn’t have an appointment…the place was packed.  I don’t know if it’s the state budget cuts or if it’s just San Diego, but I can’t remember not being able to find parking near the DMV in San Jose.

It’s an interesting place, the DMV.  For one thing, there’s plenty of diversity, since everyone needs to drive.  But I think the DMV is relatively unique in one aspect: no one wants to be there.  And it really brings out the worst in people.  For example, I took two steps out of line to check out one of the posters hanging on a wall, and whoop, the three people behind me erased my spot in line.  Not a hint of remorse.  I kinda tried to squeeze back in, but they all just stared straight ahead.  Really cold.  I probably should have tried harder to get back in, but they were all girls, and ladies first, right?

Anyway, the incident I really wanted to write about happened as I just got inside the DMV.  I was about a minute late for my appointment (this doesn’t matter, but I didn’t know that) because I was looking for parking, so I turned a corner kinda fast and ran into a stroller with a kid in it.  Now, my reflexes aren’t ninja-like or anything, but I was quick enough to avoid moving the stroller too much.  It moved half an inch, max.  And the kid’s father (presumably) gives me this look of death and says, “Watch where you’re going, [Focker].”

I’m not a huge fan of his tone, but I know I’m at fault, so I say, “I’m sorry, sir,” and look for my line.  Which, unfortunately, was right in front of this guy.  And this guy’s just staring daggers at me.  Worse, he’s having a conversation with his wife (presumably) and everyone else within 5 meters about clumsy idiots who can’t look where they’re going.  At this point, I’m somewhat annoyed.  For a fleeting moment, I consider confronting him physically.  More than usual.

This is why I stand with my back to walls most of the time. Well, this and the fact that I don't have to bear all my weight.

My imagination gets far enough to the point where I remember consciously thinking “I could totally take this guy*”… but my anger quickly evaporates when I realize his wife and kid are there.  Also, I figure that I would probably lose my place in line.  Which I eventually would, anyway, but I didn’t know that then.

*This is big, since my imagination doesn’t let me win a lot of the time.  Every now and then, I’ll have a dream or dream sequence with a crappy ending…and I’ll spend a long time trying to dream up a happier ending, but my mind won’t let me.  It sucks.

This all happened over the course of about five seconds.  I don’t think I dealt with the situation poorly, persay…I apologized politely, I ignored about a minute of abuse, and even my anger disappeared relatively quickly.  But it’s a situation that’s still stuck in my mind hours later, and I’m trying to consider the best way I possibly could have dealt with it.

First, I’m not proud of the momentary flare-up in my mind.  There’s one truth I have tried to ingrain in my mind over the past month or so, and it goes like this: Situations don’t make a bad person.  If I react to a situation poorly, it’s because the sin is already inside of me, and the situation is merely revealing it to the outside world.  So that anger, as fleeting as it might have been, was definitely in my heart.

Secondly, what remained after the anger left was definitely cool.  I did mentally excuse him for what he was doing, but the feelings I had toward him were definitely not Christian love.  And I suppose he was, at that time, as close as I have to an enemy in this world.  Even now, I’m trying to muster up some feelings of charity, but it’s tough.

Anywho, figured I should write about that before I forget it.  I WILL write on Rahab soon.  I need to.

-Tim

Tags: , ,
Comment

Day 7

Filed Under: God, Journal, QTs by timpaik — Leave a comment
January 11, 2011

Matthew 4, Genesis 4, Romans 4, 1 Thessalonians 4, Acts 4

Comment

Day 6

Filed Under: God, Journal, QTs by timpaik — Leave a comment
January 10, 2011

Psalm 3, Proverbs 3, Joshua 3, Isaiah 3, Acts 3

-Tim

Comment

Day 5

Filed Under: God, Journal, QTs by timpaik — Leave a comment
January 9, 2011

Matthew 3, Genesis 3, Romans 3, 1 Thessalonians 3, Acts 3

Tags:
Comment

Day 4

Filed Under: God, Journal, QTs by timpaik — Leave a comment
January 7, 2011

Psalm 2, Proverbs 2, Joshua 2, Isaiah 2, Acts 2

…

The thing I want to write on will take too long.  Maybe later.

-Tim

Comment

Day 1

Filed Under: God, Journal, QTs by timpaik — 1 Comment
January 4, 2011

Don’t know if anyone will read this.  Really, this is for me, and I guess for anyone who might want to keep me accountable.

Matthew 1, Genesis 1, Romans 1, 1 Thessalonians 1, Job 1

…

Matthew 1:

  • Hate to start this off by whining, but I’ve always had a tough time reading genealogies.  I feel like I’m reading the Peanuts’ Christmas special script.
  • I think the weirdest name in the genealogy of Jesus is Tamar, by far.  Of all of the sons of Judah, God chose for Jesus to come from Judah and Tamar’s kid.  I think that goes to show what God can make out of even the worst of situations.
  • Oh Will:  “Such a strange way to save the world.”  Props to Joseph for going along with something he definitely never could have planned for.

Genesis 1:

  • RUACH.
  • To be honest, I’ve had less “God-vs-science” talks than I probably ought to have had, considering my field of study.  But when I do, the six-day creation account is one of the most common topics to spring up.  It always comes up in a patronizing manner, something like, “You don’t really believe that the world was created in six days, do you?”  I know where I stand, but to be honest, there’s always a slightly squeamish feeling when I say that I do.  I’m not really sure why.  Thinking about it soberly right now…my answer is, “Yes, I do.  I already believe in an all-powerful, all-benevolent God who created everything.  If I’m ready to make that leap of faith, I don’t see how it’s all that much harder to believe He created it all in six days rather than fifteen billion years.”

Romans 1:

  • Huh.  Kinda cool how verses 2 and 3 (“which He promised beforehand through His prophets in the holy Scriptures, concerning His Son, who was descended from David”) are confirmed in the chapter I just read in Matthew.  Maybe there is something to this reading plan.
  • Verse 5: “Obedience of faith.”  I think those (obedience and faith) are often linked…
  • Verse 9: Can’t remember the last time I prayed for people I’d never met, let alone prayed without ceasing…
  • I think I used to have this passage memorized when I was in Taiwan (Romans 1:16-32).  Oops.

1 Thessalonians 1:

  • I can’t remember the last time I read this chapter.  I’m definitely less familiar with this chapter than the other three up there.  I think it’s because I lose track of my Bible reading plan long before I get to this book.  It’s like when I was studying SAT words: my command of the English language is strongly slanted toward words that start with letters nearer to the beginning of the alphabet.
  • I guess this is easily seen, but I have a tough time relating to teachers/pastors/mentors.  I think this is partly due to the fact that I often learn things differently from other people, but mostly due to the fact that I’m too proud to learn from people.  So it’s hard for me to think of myself as an “imitator” of anybody (verse 6).

Job 1:

  • This isn’t fair for me to ask, since I haven’t had anybody close to me pass away yet.  But I always felt like Job’s kids had a rough deal.  Here they are, eating and drinking, then they all die largely because God is testing Job.  I mean…is that a fair thing for me to think?  I dunno.

-Tim

Tags: , , , , ,
Comment

On Safe Swear Words

Filed Under: Journal, Random by timpaik — Leave a comment
April 7, 2010

Sorry, school’s ramping up, so I think this blog might lie fallow for a while…

I want to write on the unity of the church, but that’s going to take at least an hour and a half to write, and I don’t have that kind of time…so I just post an old story.  Bear with me.

Anyway, sometime ago, Pastor John Shim invited me and Mike Gardiner over to play Settlers of Catan.  This was before I was Nate’s piano teacher, so this was one of the first times I had ever gone over to the Shim’s place.  Also, this was the second time I had ever played Settlers of Catan, so I was still kinda fuzzy on the rules.

(By the way, Will taught me the following acronyms to differentiate between Pastor John Shim of Evangel and Pastor John Kim of Lighthouse: PJEB and PJLH.  This is how I will refer to them from now on in this blog.)

So we’re playing Settlers and everything’s going great.  I think it was me, Mike, PJEB and Nancy playing on the dinner table, with their kids, Abby, Nate, and Anna seated around watching.

My strategy that game centered around getting the green metropolis.  I think the green metropolis is already kind of overpowered in that game as it is, but during my first game, Dennis Ju had gotten the green metropolis, then misinterpreted the rules so that it became completely gamebreaking.  (I think that’s a pretty safe explanation for non-Settlers players.  If you don’t understand, 1) you should learn to play Settlers, and 2) Dennis completely abused the rules that first game.  If you ever read this, Dennis, you cheated.  Also, I miss playing Chinese chess with you.)

After some time, I finally got the privilege that I was waiting for the entire game: the ability to pick any card I want after certain dice rolls.  And the first time I was able to exercise my privilege, I naturally went for a commodity card, one of the more powerful cards in the game.  That’s when Nancy stopped me, saying, “Oh, Tim, I think the rules say you can only get a basic resource card with that.”

This is where you need to empathize with me.  Of course, I was kind of bummed out that I couldn’t pick what I wanted…but more than that, I was just kind of annoyed that Dennis had run away with my first game as badly as he did.  So I said the first thing that came to my mind: “Aw, Dennis SCREWED me!”

Gasps of shock.  I look around the table, and Abby, Anna, and yes, Nate all have hands over their mouths.  The air is still.

I’m still kind of confused, but finally, Nate breaks the silence, saying, “We don’t say the word ‘screwed’ here.”  Abby and Anna are nodding at me.

Immediately, I am filled with embarrassment.  I mean, this is one of the first times I’ve ever been to my pastor’s house, and what do I do?  I set a terrible example for their children.  So (of course) I say the first thing that comes to my mind: “Aw CRAP!”

Gasps of shock.  Fortunately, I keep the words that I want to say inside my head this time.

…

After I became Nate’s piano teacher, I slowly started learning the words to avoid in the Shim residence.  I stopped using the word “sucks”.  I avoided “shoot” and “freaking”.  And I definitely avoided “screwed” and “crap”.

But I don’t think anything really changed.  When I say that I removed the word “sucks” from my vocabulary, that just meant that I replaced it with “stinks”.  And I replaced the other ones with things like “fiddlesticks” or “monkeys”.  (By the way, I have a terrible story about the latter one…I won’t repeat it here, but I’ll just say: you’d think that “monkeys” is safe to use in public, but it’s not.)

I think I’ve realized this more as I’ve started to play pickup basketball more.  When I play basketball, it’s not the “safe” swear words that come out.  And it’s in these moments that I realize that I’ve modified my behavior rather than the heart that is behind the cursing.

It’s a hard pill for me to swallow, because I like to feel that I’ve got the sin of anger under control.  It’s simultaneously humbling, and yes, annoying to have to admit that I still need to work on yet another area in my life.

But as I want to keep playing pickup with people on Mondays and Wednesdays…and as I start to get to know the people there…and as I want to be a good witness…well…I’m going to need to face this.

-Tim

Tags: , ,
Comment